First of all, whoever called these the "dog days" of summer was not wearing a permanent velvet bodysuit. Or perhaps was a cat.
Secondly, I'm on the verge of a big breakthrough here. I haven't quite figured it all out, but here is what I've observed thus far:
1. My mom has these big contraptions in the room which make a sort of low humming noise. I have no idea what they are there for, but there are more of them lately.
2. (Now you are not immediately going to see the connection here, but bear with me.) Lately I'll be in the room, NOT sweating my ass off (a major prototype design flaw), when this lovely breeze will float over me. My ears go back, my eyes squint, and my mind turns to pleasant memories of puppyhood and Frosty Paws. Sometimes I will feel this breeze on a regular basis, like once every 4 seconds. Very comfortable, makes you forget it's 100 degrees in the shade out there ("so get out of the shade!" to quote Roy Blount Jr on this week's Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me). And I figure, why settle for 99% comfort when bliss is a possibility, so I head over for a Dale massage or a bigger pile of laundry or maybe a snack...and the breeze ends.
So anyway, the insight I'm on the point of having here is that: these two phenomena may be connected. There is some sort of Matrix-like synergy that they don't want us to know about here. Call me crazy, call me a conspiracy nut...but my instincts tell me I'm on to something. These are the same instincts that found the mostly uneaten hamburger hidden behind the bushes in the park this morning, so I'm going with them.
Further updates as I continue to ponder. Would welcome any thoughts and insights.