Look at your dog's wrist.

Can't find it, right?

That's because we don't have them--at least not in the shape and position that would make a watch a useful accessory.

Why is this not a problem? Because D*g has created a big ol' watch in the sky, and that's as precise as doggie schedules need to be. When the watch says "sun," dog says "awake." When the watch says "dark," dog says "sleep."

So whatever newfangled, modern technology-enhanced schedule you, my dearest owner, have worked out for yourself, I'm going to be awake and raring to go at... (shuffle, shuffle, check Metro section)... 5:15AM tomorrow, and until those opposable thumbs I ordered come in, you're going to have to be ready to greet the day with me. Adjust your coffee intake accordingly.