Saturday, November 04, 2006

Okay, before I launch into my thoughts for today, a quick public service request on behalf of my mom.

Has anyone seen her keys?

She thinks she dropped them somewhere in Prospect Park (the Nethermeade section, or on the way there or back), so if you happen to be out walking your owners and spot them, please let me know in the Comments section. I will have to think of a way to let her know without ruining this nice I-don't-speak-English-just-a-dumb-dog farce we've got going here, but I'm sure I can come up with something.

Speaking of I-don't-speak-English-I'm-just-a-dumb-dog farces...well I've noticed that a lot of bloggers spend time criticizing other bloggers, engaging in petty, immature blogosphere catfights (it's a word! I didn't make it up!). I personally prefer to deal with things in "person" (what a hegemonic language, this English), but...I'm going to have to make an exception here. I have just discovered the site Dogster and their "diary" section, and wow. I am really concerned about the current state of education among this generation of dogs.

At first I was excited to see that so many of my fellow canines were writing. Most of my friends at the park have no idea how to use a computer, much less navegate the English characters ("dog" is, contrary to misconception, a fully developed written language, but it uses an ideographic alphabet). So it was great to see that 29,960 dogs had "diaries" on Dogster.

And then I started to read. What is wrong with these dogs? I don't want to call out anyone in particular but let me just cite some anonymous excerpts to give you an idea of the level of discourse we're talking about here. May I stress that these are completely and totally representative of your average Dogster diary.

"Today is my BIRTHDAY!!!...Mommy says that I'm a big boy now, and that I need to take care of my new collar and not chew on it. I'm gonna be a good boy for mommy, and keep it in perfect condition. I love my mommy, she spoils me ALOT! Daddy does too. He took me walking today and it was sooo much fun. He threw my favorite red ball around and I'd bring it back to him. i think they call it playing "fetch". I had a great time!"

Okay, I thought, he's a puppy. But ALL of the blogs were like this. Here's another:

"In the meantime, nothing new has been happening here. It's been windy. So since I'm indoors, I was a bad dog and went shopping with my mom's credit card:) Yup, I was a B-A-D dog I know ::tail goes between legs:: but it's worth it. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! Desparate times call furrr desparate measure! Besides, she won't find out about my shopping spree until next month's statement!! BOL!! Ok, I need beauty rest... Zzzzzzzz"

And all of these blogs are just treacle thick with the most obvious "doggie" puns--(if I see one more "doggone it" or "fur" instead of "for" I will puke), nobody thinks about anything beyond their daily meals and walks, and everyone has the prose style of a 2 month old. I can't figure out who these dogs are--the guys I know at the dog park are much more intelligent and thoughtful. Maybe that's why they don't waste hours a day writing blogs...

Anyway, I'm still trying to process this shocking reality check about the apparent shallowness of MY beloved species. I know how mom feels about those red state Americans now...

No comments: